Showing posts with label meaning. Show all posts
Showing posts with label meaning. Show all posts

Thursday, August 15, 2013

Reflections (non-music)

It is hard for me to have a blog about just my music, or just my poetry. I've been reading about writing lately, and feel like I wish I did more of it. So here is what I've been thinking about this morning. I don't know why, exactly. Maybe I am just feeling the passing of time as the summer starts to roll up into overcast late August days like today.


Reflection on loss – family, mortality

The Compassionate Friends is clearly a great organization, and I'm pleased to help the Salem chapter out with their website and emails, but I've never attended a support meeting. I've never lost a child or brother or sister or niece. Both of my parents are still living and doing fine, as are my sister and brother. I can't really imagine the experience of losing someone in my immediate family, though I do remember somewhat how it felt to come home one day in the first grade and find out my mother had been in a terrible car accident and nearly died. And I do remember having bad dark dreams as a young child in which my mother was deathly ill and I felt abandoned, alone. It was a cold, almost paralyzing feeling.

When a personal love relationship of ten years ended for me in 2008, I felt destroyed, and at times thought it would have been better if the person I loved had died, because then it would not somehow be my fault. It would not feel like a choice outside my control, made by someone else I cared for, to not be part of my life any longer. Of course this was just a thought I had. I don't know if it's true beyond the feeling of loss I was experiencing at the time.

In 2009, my father had a near-fatal heart attack, and at first it seemed likely my family would have to go on living without him. But then he miraculously recovered, and we did our best to put that thought aside.

All of my biological grandparents are no longer living. The last one passed on in 1997. That was a great loss, but not the same as it would be to lose someone I grew up with, seeing nearly every day, a part of my basic family unit. I wished I could have known my grandparents better. But I was too young.

Some day I will lose someone close. It will probably be sudden and unexpected. Perhaps I will see them for the last time in a hospital, and be allowed to say goodbye. And someday I will pass on.

People sometimes talk about living each day as if it were our last, but can we really live that way? Wouldn't that be a terribly morbid attitude to hold? Somehow, I feel maybe it is healthier to live each day as if there will be many more to come, because any one day is all we ever have, but no one day is so important that it could be more than just a day in a lifetime. At the same time, we should never take the people we have in our lives for granted. Each time we say goodbye might be the last time.

Monday, May 27, 2013

"Virtual" choir that is actually a global social phenomenon

Contemporary choral composer Eric Whitacre has recently been collaborating with singers from all over the world through online social media to create what he calls "Virtual Choirs." When I first heard about this a year or two ago I was skeptical that someone could take recorded voices from so many people's computers and mix them together effectively to create "real" choral music.

Today I found that he's done a couple of talks with TED, and from watching them I came to realize the real point I was missing is not that they are creating "good music" with this digital voice mosaics, but that they are bringing together people from all over the globe, dozens of countries, political "enemies," people who will never meet in real life, and creating something beautiful together that is about the music – about what Boethius called musica humana – the harmony of human life and society.

The sound is pretty cool, but the idea is brilliant and beautiful.

Listen and watch Whitacre's TED Talk from 2011 here.
http://on.ted.com/Whitacre

Sunday, December 30, 2012

Contentment (2001)


Contentment

Contentment curls up on the rug by the fire.
Wind doesn't chill,
Rain doesn't soak, and
Worries don't dance with the shadows on the wall.

The unread book lies open on page one;
Leaves are uncreased,
Buds are un-pressed, and
The words of tomorrow are waiting to be told.


(4/19/2001)


I wish all cold winter evenings could fit the positive and optimistic image of this poem. This is an older one of mine as you can tell by the date. I started writing the dates on my poems at some point because, even if they are not published, I am curious about the sequence and the time of year. What was going on in my life when I wrote this? So the date is mainly for my own sense of personal history.

Not too long ago I submitted a small set of haiku to a local literary art journal but it was not accepted. I felt disappointed and a little surprised, but then felt amused when I saw the publication in print. I decided my work didn't really fit with what they'd printed. I suppose the meaning for me in this kind of experience – putting myself and my work out there for others to see and judge – is that I write poetry, music, etc. as I like it to be. I write to please my own sense of artistry. I then put my work out there because I don't want to be selfish and alone, because I genuinely want to share what I create with others, and because you just have to do work out in the public view to be an artist. But if someone doesn't like what I write, or it doesn't fit what someone is looking for, that should not be a problem. I will just keep on writing because it works for me. Even if someone were paying me to write or create something for them, I would still want that work to come from my voice and reflect my sense of what is good. I know when I've done a good job, and it's not when someone else says. This can create a sense of conflict, and I tend to feel timid and cautious about putting myself out in the world, but I know the real reason I create is not to please others but because creating pleases me and I need to be doing it.

In hindsight about this one case, I feel like maybe I could have "sold" my work better, too. But I'm still fine with it not making the "cut" because I know it wasn't because the work I'd done was not worthwhile.

Friday, May 18, 2012

Gentle Wind (2009) and Reflecting


Gentle Wind

Tiny spider, your bones appear so slight
that my barest breath near you comes
over you as a hurricane of terror.
The silk-taut line you tug and twist upon
is invisible to my eyes, merely a
suggestion of gossamer scaffold.

You may now cling so tightly, and I fear
you will fall instantly and be lost, or
my breath draws you so close and
you will grab my hair, burrow
down my skin, down my back, and be lost.
So we joust the air, my breath and you.

Your silent twitching music of a
one-cord harp bewitches my thoughts
in this momentary song of emotion:
I am suddenly in your place. I am
this little fellow, pendulous to life.
Dry tears touch my eyelids. I reflect.

The artist
blows upon the zephyr breeze of Being,
and hopes the coming rain
may not dissolve all.


(6/18/2009)


I wrote and first shared this poem in June of 2009. I remember somewhat the particular image I was exploring, an actual tiny spider perhaps two millimeters tall hanging from its silken line in front of me: so tiny and yet just "out there" in an immense and dangerous universe. I was sitting on the bus at the time I wrote it, playing with the words and ideas, but reflecting really on what it's like to be an artist, and what it's like for me to be a person who feels super vulnerable much of the time. Feeling sensitive, like my skin isn't even there, I sometimes feel like total raw nerve endings and viscera exposed to the world. All I can do, times like those, is hold on tight to something and hope some cruel reality doesn't all come crashing in.

And paradoxically, I really want to be "out there" in the immense universe, like the tiny spider. (Even though spiders creep many people out with their too many arms and legs and how they do tend to do weird things like bite you or try to get in your hair or crawl around your skin. I don't think I'm really like that, but I think ideas can feel that way, too! They also bite and make you feel uncomfortable.)

I appreciate the incredible blessing of knowing – and being reminded, when needed – there are other people in my life who understand at least some of what it can be like to be sensitive and/or artistic.


Thursday, May 3, 2012

Colors


Colors

Some beauties, sweet and fleet,
like the happy bird on the branch by the window,
you cannot catch them.
To cage is to kill them.
Some beauties you have to let go.

The colors of a song are so bright
and soft, my dazzled eyes cannot see what
only my heart can feel.
The muse of the poet is kindly cool.
Her visits are passing.

Some lovers, warm and dear,
like the singing bird on the tree by the fence,
you cannot keep them.
To catch is to hurt them.
Some lovers you need to let go.

The years of a life are so bright
and swift, my thoughts cannot catch what
barely memories can hold.
The love of a friend is a godly grace.
His visits are treasure.


(5/3/2012)

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Passing in Hallways

Passing in Hallways

I've heard it said, life is
a journey, not a destination.
Then mine must be all about
this passing in hallways:
It is where I find myself,
where I learn so much I need
to know about.

I was not well for a long time.
I felt the pressure.
I felt the world was all too much.
The pressure stopped and suddenly
I was better, but I was not happy.
This seems like it may always be
a problem for me —
Will I find myself always poor,
always lacking if
when the going gets tough
I get stuck?

I'm asked, is this what I have
in mind for my work,
for it all to be about poetry?
I'm asked, what are the
technical themes prominent
in my work? I say,
I tend to borrow a lot
from myself. I'm very much
a self-plagiarist, repeating
themes, regurgitating the same
ideas I had, over and over.
So where are we going with this?
I'm still standing on the
outside of the door, wondering
what's going on without me
on the inside of this place.
I'm still passing in the hallways.

I find some bread and take a bite
while I reflect on what has passed.
I chew the seeds of flowers
that will never bloom.
I feel troubled; I stop dreaming.

I wake to the sense that
I am always passing through places
and never belonging. My life as such
is a process of moving on, but
never arriving. Am I enjoying the
scenery as I move along, always
passing in hallways?


(3/22/2011)

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Cracks

Cracks

We are held upright by cracks in the sidewalk,
Steady-footed and balanced on uneven turf.
We find our way through dizzy heights and rough waters.
Life is a journey, so never stay put.

We are perfected by embracing our flaws,
And faultless admitting that we can be wrong.
Eternal, our lives are as we live for each day,
Truth, beauty, and love: know these and be strong.


(1/5/2011)

Thursday, December 30, 2010

Obsolescence

Obsolescence

As old things wear out, the new moves in.
Is it this way with us, or not?
Linens and towels go to rags, and
Are replaced in sets. What is the new color,
The latest print? If they're made well,
They should last a while.
Obsolesce or obsess, the gap must not endure.

Black on red or red on black, is a question
Of the background taken, but
What is always going, cannot be taken or kept.
It is the pursuit that endures:
Where does it end? The only final mark
Is change, when something is different now.
And now we must be going.


(12/30/2010)

Sunday, November 21, 2010

What Is

What Is

Our life is so much a make or break deal:

First we have what is Given,
A chance, a birth, mother, father,
Sister, brother, blood kin and people met.
A world is here where we wake each day
And find ourselves involved.

Then we have our own designs, of
Each moment a path, a care, a career,
We make something of time and trouble.
A life is lived, conducted, embraced,
Experience of what may be.

What is, what will become, is
Our dance of chance and choice.


(11/21/2010)

Saturday, September 25, 2010

Haiku

Sound could never fall.
Listen for this dawn of thought:
To see, always hear.


(3/20/2010)

Saturday, January 16, 2010

Words

Words

Words spread across the surface of things
To fill up the curved hollows of thought.
Naming all impossibilities,
We raise an island of sand among the dreaming currents.

Communication, a response,
I feel it all through the text of my skin:
Meaning before death is my only way.
And what if someone understands me?


(11/15/2009 & 1/16/2010)

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

My Life

My Life

Disappointment, I never seem
to stack up to myself.
Afraid to fail, afraid to try,
I'm the first to criticize.

If my life were a book I might
rip out every page that hurt me,
kept me scared,
But I'm a poem.

Awake at night, my eyes so tight
I cannot even dream.
I need some pride in what I've done,
but I just make a mess.

If my life were a book I could
burn away the pages that shame me,
keep me alone,
a closed book.

I need to do what makes me free.
I need to open up.
My heart wants me to sing out loud, but
fear has kept me shut.

If my life were a book I would
rewrite all those pages that hurt me,
kept me down.
My life is a song.


(12/8/2009)

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

With Me (2008)

With Me

It is, perhaps, too much
to ask someone to
hold onto my dreams
for me,
to hold my hand if I'm
afraid, or
love me any time I
need.

I wish, perhaps, too much
and wait for someone to
say just the right words
to me,
that make me always feel OK
with who and how I
am, and
mean when they say they
love me always,
forever.

When I am tired,
when I feel too
feeble with frustrations,
who sits with me and
shows they care?

I am OK.
I am that one, always,
for me.


(2/7/2008)

Thursday, August 6, 2009

In Defense of Descartes' Malin Genie Hypothesis (1996)

In Defense of Descartes' Malin Genie[1] Hypothesis
by Chris Kaltwasser
(OSU Philosophy Department Matchette Award Winner, 1996)

Suppose one day you walk into a room and see flowers in a pot on the table. Are those flowers real? How can you tell? Suppose you take a closer look. You reach your hand out and pick up the pot. You feel the weight of it press down on your palm. As you bring the flowers closer you can smell their pleasant fragrance. Reaching out your other hand, you touch the petals. They feel soft and delicate. Setting the pot by the open window, you observe as a lazy bee alights on one and then another of the blossoms, busy collecting pollen. Do you know these are real flowers now? Might they not be a clever illusion, designed to fool you into thinking you are seeing, holding, smelling, and touching flowers? René Descartes proposed just such a problem in his Meditations on First Philosophy: We know our senses can be mistaken—perhaps this is always the case. O. K. Bouwsma, many years later, suggested this hypothesis was itself a case of trickery. He argued that flowers you can see, hold, smell, touch, and so forth could not be an illusion, but instead that reality is what we should call them. However, Bouwsma is the one who is playing tricks with the words "illusion" and "reality."

In his Meditations on First Philosophy, Descartes takes as his project to discover and defend a trustworthy basis for knowledge. For him, reality is the substance of existence and not mere perceptions or appearances to the senses. Two contradictory claims about reality cannot both be true. To have true knowledge means to have ideas which correspond accurately to reality. Knowing he has often been mistaken in his former beliefs, Descartes determines that he will systematically demolish his "house of knowledge," to find a solid foundation on which his knowledge can be built reliably. Believing that his mind will habitually fall into its old ways of error, Descartes determines that he will withhold assent from any of his former beliefs, as he employs a number of skeptical hypotheses to strip away all which is not manifestly true. He realizes that nothing which he formerly had believed is beyond reasonable doubt, because he finds that he has valid and well-considered grounds for doubt (Descartes, 4). By employing his method of doubt, he intends to discover some unshakable foundation for knowledge, something which he can know to be true without possibility of doubt.

Each of Descartes' skeptical hypotheses takes the form of a supposition that reality is in some way not as he has formerly believed, but instead some other reality accounts for his beliefs and perceptions. By a wave of three such hypotheses Descartes soon reduces his grasp of truth to mere elementary notions of extension, size, quantity, and number of things. He can doubt his beliefs of the external world, by supposing that all he senses of the world around him is pure fantasy, the product of his own dreaming mind independent of any reality, much as a painting might depict objects and creatures which never existed nor could exist in reality (Cottingham, 40-41). Then, as his ultimate hypothesis, by which he calls into doubt even these last elements of belief, Descartes supposes that his mind is deceived every time he contemplates even the simplest of ideas. When he adds two numbers, some mischievous agent insures that he produces the wrong sum without realizing his error. Not merely may he err, as he knows he sometimes does, but he is consistently deceived by the design of a malicious power:

I will suppose, then, not that there is a supremely good God who is the source of all truth, but that there is an evil demon, supremely powerful and cunning, who works as hard as he can to deceive me. I will say that sky, air, earth, color, shape, sound, and other external things are just dreamed illusions which the demon uses to ensnare my judgment. I will regard myself as not having hands, eyes, flesh, blood and senses—but as having the false belief that I have all these things (Descartes, 4-5).

Then, with a note of final triumph, Descartes handily smites his malin genie and establishes one truth which he asserts even this strongest of hypotheses cannot call into doubt: Descartes himself must exist, if he is deceived. As much deceptive power as he grants to this demon, Descartes cannot think himself to be nothing while he thinks that he is something (Descartes, 7). Armed with the unshakable knowledge that he exists as a thinking thing, Descartes proceeds with the rest of his Meditations to construct what he believes to be a framework for reliable knowledge.

We shall now briefly consider Descartes' theory of perception, of which the two central components are his concepts of causality and of ideas. Of the former, he holds that there must be as much reality in a cause as in an effect, and that the causal relation between things is a transfer of some formal or eminent reality from the cause to its effect. Hence, "it follows both that something cannot come from nothing and that what is more perfect—that is, has more reality in it—cannot come from what is less perfect or has less reality" (Descartes, 18). Of ideas, Descartes holds that ideas are modifications of thinking, which is the essential quality of his existence from which he cannot conceive himself to be separated. The view of perception that Descartes takes, then, is that there must be some archetypal reality which is the cause of all ideas. All ideas are like images of that formal reality from which they derive, and perceptions are representations of real things either from the mind itself or from things outside of the mind (Descartes, 19).

The validity of Descartes' arguments for a foundation of knowledge depends very significantly on the coherency of his skeptical hypotheses. By them he has toppled both his senses and his imagination as reliable means for attaining knowledge of reality, and builds instead on nothing but reasoning from his own existence and thought. If the illusions of the evil demon do not call all but his existence as a thinking thing into doubt, as Descartes claims, then his arguments are effectively crippled. If his supposition about the evil demon does violence to reason in some way, the consequence is that he has doubted what cannot reasonably be doubted and laid the foundations for knowledge far "below" where they ought to lie.

In his essay, "Descartes' Evil Genius," O. K. Bouwsma argues that Descartes' last hypothesis has in fact done violence to the concepts of illusion and reality. He submits the hypothesis to a trial by proposing two adventures for Descartes' evil demon. By the first of these exercises, Bouwsma proposes to show an ordinary illusion. It is one which can even be detected by the careful attention of one of the demon's victims. In his second exercise, Bouwsma proposes to reproduce exactly the scenario Descartes describes at the end of his first Meditation, and this, Bouwsma argues, is no illusion at all.

For the first adventure, Bouwsma supposes the evil demon is in the mood to exercise only some of his unlimited powers to deceive. He will construct a malicious deception, changing everything in the world to paper. Flowers, trees, sky, sun, and even human beings will be nothing but paper, carefully crafted to fool the unwary eye. This is the illusion Bouwsma proposes: that everything will appear very like normal, but in fact everything (except paper itself) will be changed. Bouwsma then supposes there is a young man named Tom who sees through the illusion. The flowers on the table are really paper. The young woman, Milly, is paper. The window, trees, houses, sky, sun, clouds, rain, and Tom himself are all paper. Tom experiences the illusion, but is not deceived because he knows the difference between paper and these other things, despite the fact that the paper illusions are carefully designed to fool him. An illusion, according to Bouwsma, is something that seems like something it is not. The given illusion is that the world is as we take it to be: flowers, trees, people, and paper, all distinct and real. The reality is that there is nothing but paper (Bouwsma, 30).

Ever cunning and malicious, the evil demon is not satisfied with his first attempt at deception. In what will be his second adventure, Bouwsma supposes that the evil demon now undertakes the project of constructing a world of illusions by which poor Tom will be thoroughly deceived. When Tom thinks he senses a thing, he will in fact be deceived, because there will be no such thing. To this end, first the demon must do away with all that is real in the world except for Tom himself, to which he restores his former life. Now the demon arranges things so that Tom believes everything is as it was before, that what seems to him solid and real is as it was before, just as solid and real. All this Tom believes, but all in fact are the products of the demon's deception.

Bouwsma now examines the illusion world created by the demon, and concludes that it is in fact reality, not illusion, which the demon has reproduced. The demon desires recognition for his cunning deception, and so decides to enter into Tom's perceptions and plant the seeds of doubt. Instead, Tom shows the demon that he has failed to deceive. The demon enters into Tom's experience, sharing with him the senses of seeing, hearing, tasting, smelling, and feeling. Nothing is missing. The flowers are still as pretty to see, as delicate to touch, as sweet to smell. Tom can gather their pollen, send them to Milly, or do anything else one could normally do with flowers. It seems that the demon has not done away with flowers or Milly or Tom's body, but only with what it was the demon could sense of these things beyond human sight, hearing, touch, smell, or taste. Tom is not taken in by the demon's deceptions. To Tom, everything is as it was before. The flowers are still flowers, the sky is still sky, and Milly is still Milly.

How is this so? According to Bouwsma, Tom is a clever lad. The demon may say that the flowers are not real, that he has in fact destroyed all flowers, but there they are in front of Tom, as real as they ever were. They are real and not illusions, Bouwsma claims, because they do not differ from real flowers as far as Tom is concerned. Sight, smell, and touch all verify the existence of these flowers, so for Tom, what the demon is insisting are mere illusion are in fact what a human being would call reality without a second thought. The demon may be able to reach out with some extra sense and miss the presence of the flowers, but no human being could do this. So, the demon has in effect constructed his own illusion. The flowers and Milly and everything else are still present and real to Tom. It is only the demon who has removed what it was he sensed of the flowers and Milly and the rest beyond the senses available to a human being, and is left with a world of illusions.

But there seems to be a trap in Bouwsma's argument. What about Milly? Poor Milly has no life. She has no awareness and no senses. She has no existence. We have granted this demon unlimited power to do and to deceive, and he has done this terrible deed: he has killed Milly and replaced her with an illusion. The demon, even in his perverse desire for recognition, never thinks to tell Tom this fact, but only uses the flowers as an illustration of the deception. There is no Milly, just as there are no flowers. If Tom speaks to Milly, or touches her hair, or kisses her, she will not subjectively hear or feel or give that kiss in return. Tom is alive, but Milly is dead. Tom can sense everything he could before, including the flowers and Milly, but he is deceived if he thinks they exist in reality. All that exists in the world is Tom, Tom's perceptions, and the evil demon, and though the demon has insured that Tom's perceptions lack nothing they formerly contained, they clearly are illusions.

An illusion is something falsely believed to exist, or, it is a false belief about reality. Reality is what exists in the world. When Bouwsma argues that the paper world of the evil demon's first adventure is an illusion, he is correct. The paper flowers and people and sky are imitations designed to fool. Those who mistake the paper imitations for the things themselves are taken in by the illusion. When Tom discovers the truth, that there is nothing but paper in place of these things, there is no more illusion for him. When Bouwsma argues that the dream world of the second adventure is reality, he is mistaken. What Tom perceives may seem real to him, but they lack real existence. How, then, does this concept of reality differ from Bouwsma's?

When I see flowers in a pot, I suppose that there is something in those flowers which I call life. This life is what makes the flowers grow, and when that life is disrupted, the flowers wither and die. I can see the flowers, smell them, collect the pollen or send them to a friend, but if I suppose sight and odor and arrangement is all flowers are, I am thinking about something less than the flowers themselves. Flowers are more than just my collected perceptions of them.

Similarly, when I see my friend sitting across the room, I suppose that he is a real person who has life and senses and awareness. I believe that his life and senses and awareness are similar to mine. If I speak his name, he hears me and knows I have addressed him. If I give him the flowers, he subjectively sees, feels, smells, and enjoys them just as I do. If I recite a line of verse, he hears the words and remembers that what I am quoting is The Tempest. My friend, like the flowers, is more than just my collected perceptions of him.

In the case of both the flowers and my friend, I am supposing there exists something of which I have no immediate experience. In fact, I seem to be basing my knowledge of both the flowers and my friend not on some sensory impression immediately present to my mind for experience and reflection, but on the combination of all of my sensory perceptions, as well as my reasoning and my expectation that my perceptions are consistent with reality. That is, I trust that what I perceive through the combination of sight and hearing and the other senses is a true impression on my mind of some real thing outside of my mind. I seem to assume the representational theory of perception as Descartes does, supposing that my ideas are of something outside of my mind, and that unless my senses and reasoning are deceived, my perceptions are reflections of some objective reality beyond them. There are physical flowers in the pot, and there is another thinking, feeling person sitting in that chair.

What I mean by the words "flowers" or "person" or "sky" is not just my perceptions of these things, whether colorful or firm or bright, and I would argue this meaning is the common one. What is meant is the thing itself, which, if it possesses senses and awareness can likewise perceive the things around it. The distinction becomes transparent when the object of our speaking is another person. Perhaps the flowers can be said to have no objective reality, and their existence independent of my perceptions is something essentially unreal to me. Presumably they do not have feeling or experience. But, to say that my friend would have no objective reality is to likewise eliminate his own subjective reality. So, when Bouwsma argues that the word "flowers" applies to the perceptions of flowers, he is perhaps not taking any great liberty. When he argues that the name "Milly" applies only to Tom's perceptions of that person, he is surely mistaken. When I say "flowers" I may not draw a sharp distinction between my perceptions of flowers and objects outside of my mind, but if I say "friend" I most definitely mean a person who has ideas, subjective experiences, and perceptions just as I do.

In contrast to my view, which I take to be very like Descartes', Bouwsma's theory of perception might be characterized in terms of positivism[2]. That is, he considers only what can be conceived to be contingent on some set of criteria, and shown to be true by those criteria. In this view, what is true is what can be demonstrated to be so, and whatever cannot possibly be demonstrated is meaningless. So, to speak of objective existences which I cannot possibly know of by direct experience or by some other means is futile in such a view. I do not have experience of what I call "real flowers," and therefore I am speaking of what I know nothing about and can know nothing about, because I cannot directly demonstrate the existence I describe.

What then might Bouwsma say about poor Milly, who I have claimed he has abandoned to nonexistence? In his second illustration, he argues that Milly is present and has been reproduced in the "illusion" in her full reality. At least, so far as Tom seems to care, she is fully as real as ever. Briefly, the theory of behaviorism considers mind in terms of behavior, identifying mental phenomena with the activity of some material. Such a view seems to fit Bouwsma's argument well, for if we suppose that we know Milly only in terms of how she acts, the things she says, and so forth, then she is fully present and real for us if we have the full sensory appearances of her outward behavior. After all, we would hardly concern ourselves with the inner working of a person's nervous system when we say that person is happy or is feeling pain, just as we would never conjure images of chemical structures when we say a flower has a pleasant odor. Yet I do not think that when Tom sees Milly, talks to her, or gives her flowers, that this subjective reality of Milly in his mind thereby reproduces the subjective experiences of Milly herself. The notion is in fact totally inconsistent withwhat is meant by "subjective experience."

So, one might argue that all we can possibly have knowledge of is our perceptions of things, and this is a difficulty which Descartes faces in relation to his representational theory of perception. However, it is what I or any other speaker of the word "flowers" believes which is very much at issue in this matter. When I say "flowers" I probably mean what I judge to be the reality causing my sensations. When I say "friend" I definitely mean what I judge to be another person with whom I have an amicable relationship. If there is no such reality or no such person, I am quite fooled by an illusion, for this is what is meant by the word "illusion": a mistaken belief about reality.

Hence, I have shown that it is Bouwsma who has in fact done violence to the common concepts of "illusion" and "reality" in his critique of Descartes' evil demon hypothesis. When we speak of reality, we speak of more than mere appearances. Consequently, when Descartes supposes an evil demon has the power to cause him to see, hear, smell, taste, and feel all the things he presently does, and that in fact the demon is deceiving him by this means, this is a coherent hypothesis. If such a demon had such power and were using it in this way, the illusions he employed would truly be illusions, and Descartes truly would be quite deceived. So, apparently, is the philosopher who thinks that when we speak of "reality" all we mean is our perceptions.

Works Cited

Bouwsma, O. K. "Descartes' Evil Genius." Ed. Alexander Sesonske and Noel Fleming, Meta-Meditations: Studies in Descartes. Belmont, California: Wadsworth Publishing Company, Inc., 1965.

Cottingham, John. The Rationalists. New York: Oxford University Press, 1988.

Descartes, René. Meditations on First Philosophy. Trans. Ronald Rubin. 2nd ed. Claremont, California: Areté Press, 1986.

Malcolm, Norman. Problems of Mind: Descartes to Wittgenstein. New York: Harper & Row, 1971.

Notes

[1] malin genie
French, "evil genius." Descartes supposes that he is under the influence of a powerful and intelligent being that is capable of deceiving him at every instant." I will suppose, then, not that there is a supremely good God who is the source of all truth, but that there is an evil demon, supremely powerful and cunning, who works as hard as he can to deceive me."(Descartes, 4)

[2] positivism (logical)
Logical positivism, also known as logical empiricism, is a philosophical position which holds that there are only two sources of knowledge, logical reasoning and empirical experience, and that any statement of fact (e.g., "the grass is green") is only valid if it can be tested against empirical observation. Hence, logical positivism rules out any metaphysical hypotheses (synthetic a priori knowledge) or any inductive reasoning (analytic a posteriori knowledge). For a fuller discussion of this topic, see the Wikipedia article on logical positivism and the Internet Encyclopedia of Philosophy article on behaviorism.

Monday, April 20, 2009

Would I Know (song)

I wrote this as a poem a few years ago, and more recently adapted it into a song. Sorry I don't have a good demo to share... yet? ;-) Still maybe a work in progress, but here it is:

Would I Know?

I walk down roads as the sun is setting.
They seem familiar - can I find my way home?
I am dreaming as I am waking.
Am I lost? How would I know?

I both believe and don't believe;
I place my faith in the path ahead.
The truth is I feel so naïve.
Am I lost, or am I still in bed?

My life is like a journey, and I left my bags at home.
Now I've started, there's no turning back.

The truth I hold is merely rightness.
I do my best from day to day:
I live my life in dark and brightness.
Am I lost? How could I say?

My life is like a journey, and I left my bags at home.
Now I've started, there's no turning back.

I walk down roads as the sun is setting.
They seem familiar - can I find my way home?
I am dreaming as I am waking.
Am I lost? How would I know?


--
I actually often used to have dreams where I found myself wandering around the streets as the sun was starting to set, and I tried to find my way home but I kept getting lost or feeling like I couldn't get there. I decided to write about the dream and came up with this. The image of feeling lost in my life and needing to have faith in the process makes a lot of sense to me. Am I lost? I choose to say that I'm on the right track. It just may not look that way sometimes.

Friday, April 17, 2009

Divertimento

Divertimento 



In a night full of stars, 

Feel the cooling breeze of spring 

On a street with no cars, 

Somewhere with you. 


Setting sun on an island 

Of solitary ocean's calm, 

Lie naked on a bed 

Somewhere with you. 


You feel so familiar, 

I've known you all my life. 

Restless dreaming music wakes me. 


Like an Italian monk's pen, 

With letters expressing: 

Life's flowing and art again 

Somewhere with you. 



(4/17/2009)

Saturday, March 28, 2009

time of daffodils

E. E. Cummings wrote a poem I like in which he uses flowers to illustrate the dimensions of experience relating to time: time as change, remembrance, decision points, purpose in life, a sense of identity.

Right now I have patches of beautiful daffodils in front of my house. I planted their bulbs there several years ago, and today I get to enjoy them and share them with whoever may walk by.

"The goal of living is to grow." I reflect a lot on what I will do next. Where will I live after I leave this house behind? Do I want to take some of the flowers with me, or leave them? If I came back years later would I be sad to see them all pulled up and replaced with something else? Change can be really jarring, especially when it is something not in my control, not of my choosing. Do I really have control of anything, or is this notion just an illusion? People and relationships change. I change.

"The goal of living is to grow." And forgetting is as much a part of life as remembering. What will I forget about this place after I leave? Will I be able to forget some of the hurts that make me so timid to risk judgment and rejection?

When I leave here I probably would not have much reason to come back. But I would always be curious about what then happened to the things and people I leave behind.



Saturday, February 7, 2009

A dream

A dream on Saturday, February 7, 2009


I wondered "Is this real?" as I was waking up:
I'm looking in the mirror at my face, and
as I tilt my head slightly, looking up
toward the light, I look at my hair and
it is thinning, graying.
I look at my skin and it is aging.
I look at my face and it looks much much older—

This is not me, or is it?
I am changing so quickly, becoming older.
I am an older man.
I am still only 35, but
it is an older 35.
I look more like I could be 55 or 60.
At 35 going on 60, I feel the years.
I feel sadness: this is not in my control.
Can I accept it?

I look again and my face is suddenly normal.
I am surprised to realize that
how I look depends on how I look at myself.
How old am I?
Is this just a look into the future a little ways?
Is this the older man inside of me
(wanting to get out)?

Yesterday a new friend asked me how old I am, and
I balked a little bit.
I am afraid of what he would think.
I guessed he was a few years younger than I.
"How old do you think I am?" playing games with the question.
I told him,
he seemed a little surprised, but didn't say so.
I asked him how old he is. 28.
That seems about like what I'd guessed.

So I look at my own face in the mirror. How old am I?
How will I be in a few years? When
I'm 40? 45?
50?

One thing I can say, the face I see in the mirror
is me, and it is a kind face.
I thought about my grandfathers when I looked
at my vision of my older face.
I loved them both so much.
As long as I have love
when I am that age, I think I will be a happy man.

Can I accept myself and love myself
just as I am,
and can I share myself honestly with others?
Or will I be
too afraid that I'm not acceptable in some way?
Not acceptable to myself?

Saturday, November 29, 2008

Thankfulness

I feel very thankful for all I have: I have enough food and shelter to keep me safe and healthy. I have a loving family including a beautiful little niece who is learning and growing fast. I have friends who care about me and share their joys with me. I have an inquisitive and creative mind with which to explore and enjoy the world around us. I have meaning and purpose in my studies and my work life. I have beauty all around to discover and appreciate constantly. I have the gift of life itself, being, which I should never take for granted.

Thanks be.

Sunday, August 24, 2008

Wild Geese

I read this poem on a door the other day. The first line got me to stop and pay attention. Mary Oliver wrote:

"You do not have to be good."

I read that again a few times again before I could get past it. That's what it says. OK. She continues:

"You do not have to walk on your knees
for a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves. ...
Meanwhile the world goes on."

Yes. It does, doesn't it? Here is the world, going on. Nature. Landscapes. Human and non-human. Some wild geese fly overhead. In all the open expanse of prairies and mountains and rivers and lakes, they know exactly how to get to their place, their home. So easy to get lost? Maybe. Or:

"Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting--
over and over announcing your place
in the family of things."

We all need to love what (and who) we love. We all need to listen to the wisdom that we all hear but often choose to ignore, that we already know what we need. We already know where we belong. We just need to accept and appreciate and enjoy what we have: ourselves. We know where home is, and we know what makes us happy.

Our home is not our ideas we have about what we should need or have to have. It is the wisdom of the voice inside that tells us what we love. It may take time to learn to listen and understand this voice, our own truest self. If we stop to listen, we find what we already always knew.

You might find the complete poem here. Or Google it.