Showing posts with label dreams. Show all posts
Showing posts with label dreams. Show all posts

Thursday, August 15, 2013

Reflections (non-music)

It is hard for me to have a blog about just my music, or just my poetry. I've been reading about writing lately, and feel like I wish I did more of it. So here is what I've been thinking about this morning. I don't know why, exactly. Maybe I am just feeling the passing of time as the summer starts to roll up into overcast late August days like today.


Reflection on loss – family, mortality

The Compassionate Friends is clearly a great organization, and I'm pleased to help the Salem chapter out with their website and emails, but I've never attended a support meeting. I've never lost a child or brother or sister or niece. Both of my parents are still living and doing fine, as are my sister and brother. I can't really imagine the experience of losing someone in my immediate family, though I do remember somewhat how it felt to come home one day in the first grade and find out my mother had been in a terrible car accident and nearly died. And I do remember having bad dark dreams as a young child in which my mother was deathly ill and I felt abandoned, alone. It was a cold, almost paralyzing feeling.

When a personal love relationship of ten years ended for me in 2008, I felt destroyed, and at times thought it would have been better if the person I loved had died, because then it would not somehow be my fault. It would not feel like a choice outside my control, made by someone else I cared for, to not be part of my life any longer. Of course this was just a thought I had. I don't know if it's true beyond the feeling of loss I was experiencing at the time.

In 2009, my father had a near-fatal heart attack, and at first it seemed likely my family would have to go on living without him. But then he miraculously recovered, and we did our best to put that thought aside.

All of my biological grandparents are no longer living. The last one passed on in 1997. That was a great loss, but not the same as it would be to lose someone I grew up with, seeing nearly every day, a part of my basic family unit. I wished I could have known my grandparents better. But I was too young.

Some day I will lose someone close. It will probably be sudden and unexpected. Perhaps I will see them for the last time in a hospital, and be allowed to say goodbye. And someday I will pass on.

People sometimes talk about living each day as if it were our last, but can we really live that way? Wouldn't that be a terribly morbid attitude to hold? Somehow, I feel maybe it is healthier to live each day as if there will be many more to come, because any one day is all we ever have, but no one day is so important that it could be more than just a day in a lifetime. At the same time, we should never take the people we have in our lives for granted. Each time we say goodbye might be the last time.

Friday, October 12, 2012

October haiku


Haiku


dreams of such meaning
gone. a terrible feeling
to have to wake up


the first rain of fall
blank white sky above the trees
wets the bird droppings


(10/12/2012)

Tuesday, October 9, 2012

Morning haiku


Morning haiku


dreams of coming day
foggy October morning
stretch, stretch, wake slowly


(10/9/2012)

Saturday, September 17, 2011

Autumn Fridge Poetry


Autumn Fridge Poetry

Our journey to
spring was almost
so dream-like:
road in winter
above black-blue
stream trickle.

Yellowing flower
at harvest songs,
cloud is, but full.

Light-owl did make people say:
"Shell, hear!"
"Mushroom has roof!"

From woman:
wild sleep,
lunch, and eat.
Then, have let who (house)
commercial weed garden–
(mouth) between here; (stand)
I later cry.

Face she if
(fish) as

and look
dandelion breath
water- fall
know night,
how they want
early bark cicada, though
off him which–

shiver in life too,
happy thunder child
(moon).

Cat said:
"Snow there!"
Morning giver.

Come, man:
call it thought.
See his tears always smile.

Very an, an evening,
crab eye dog;

rust would freeze,
melt.


(9/17/2011)


Yes, I have a bunch of those word magnets on my fridge, and the above "poem" is what is there right now, word for word (I added the punctuation). I'm getting ready to pack the magnets up as I'm moving in about a week, but I thought it a fun "exercise" to type up what I "wrote" and share it here. I am so tempted to edit/revise, but I like how the meaning of what I came up with is loose word-play, like images in a dream perhaps.

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Passing in Hallways

Passing in Hallways

I've heard it said, life is
a journey, not a destination.
Then mine must be all about
this passing in hallways:
It is where I find myself,
where I learn so much I need
to know about.

I was not well for a long time.
I felt the pressure.
I felt the world was all too much.
The pressure stopped and suddenly
I was better, but I was not happy.
This seems like it may always be
a problem for me —
Will I find myself always poor,
always lacking if
when the going gets tough
I get stuck?

I'm asked, is this what I have
in mind for my work,
for it all to be about poetry?
I'm asked, what are the
technical themes prominent
in my work? I say,
I tend to borrow a lot
from myself. I'm very much
a self-plagiarist, repeating
themes, regurgitating the same
ideas I had, over and over.
So where are we going with this?
I'm still standing on the
outside of the door, wondering
what's going on without me
on the inside of this place.
I'm still passing in the hallways.

I find some bread and take a bite
while I reflect on what has passed.
I chew the seeds of flowers
that will never bloom.
I feel troubled; I stop dreaming.

I wake to the sense that
I am always passing through places
and never belonging. My life as such
is a process of moving on, but
never arriving. Am I enjoying the
scenery as I move along, always
passing in hallways?


(3/22/2011)

Monday, March 14, 2011

Clocks

Clocks

On a day when all the clocks are wrong
and the soaking rain and rough wind gusts
will not be tamed,
our road is littered with tossed branches,
our travels push into choppy currents,
the roaring wind's music issues changes
as soft as the thunder's crack.

Then, as quickly, change is a bird song.
The trees present their pink hopes,
and sudden memory of love rushes in,
beautiful dreams.


(3/13 & 3/14/2011)


Pink hopes

Monday, April 5, 2010

Fascinating and disturbing dream*

* I'll warn you this is a bit of a strange one.


Fascinating and disturbing dream

Imagine (if you will) this man
Who is a font of industry

He lives in a town called West
Located, as it was, in the West of North America
The Great Continent.
A great exponent of Manifest Destiny.

This town on the mountain prairie
Was a stagecoach town,
And boomed with the task of settling
The Great Continent
And making the Red man scarce.

He wrote,
"Imagine (if you will) this growing town
And the men and boys who come here
Employed in the mighty task of settling
The Great Continent
And fighting the Indians found there.

"Imagine now,
Lopping off the arms of
Ten Thousand men, and
Devising a machine so precise
It would articulate each one above the other
In a giant hand-clap.

"The clap of twenty-thousand hands
Would be a mighty thing of Industry."
This man was a great proponent
Of right nutrition, balanced meals,
And foods high in vitamins.
He himself died quite rich
At the age of eighty.


(4/5/10)

Saturday, February 27, 2010

The Sky (1997-ish)

The Sky

There must be something great
'bout that place we call the sky
where wispy rainbows hang
and graceful eagles fly.

There must be something grand
where colossus mountains grow.
There every tree doth reach
and from there all rivers flow.

There must be something mighty
that holds the great sun high
to raise it in the morning
and lay it low 'fore nigh.

There must be something special
in the space over the trees
that cheers our waking moment
and fills our pleasant dreams.

There must be something gracious
above the seas and land,
with billowed harlequin face
and warm extending hand.

There must be something powerful
that sparks great light and flame
and belches forth a blast
that makes our greatest tame.

And where'd we be today
without the great big sky?
Without its loving rain?
Without its twinkling eye?

But no, it's worse than that
for if the sky should fall
we'd have no lives to live:
No, nothing here at all.

There must be something good
that makes us want to learn
and makes us want to fly,
and that our souls do yearn.


(1997, 2/27/2010)

I hadn't posted anything new here for over a month, so I decided to share an older poem again today. Life has been busy for me lately, in good ways! I hope this poem captures some sense of growth and the awakening of springtime. I've dated it originally to 1997 because that is the date on the computer file I have, but I think I may have written a version of it a few years earlier and expanded it in 1997.

Saturday, January 16, 2010

Words

Words

Words spread across the surface of things
To fill up the curved hollows of thought.
Naming all impossibilities,
We raise an island of sand among the dreaming currents.

Communication, a response,
I feel it all through the text of my skin:
Meaning before death is my only way.
And what if someone understands me?


(11/15/2009 & 1/16/2010)

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

My Life

My Life

Disappointment, I never seem
to stack up to myself.
Afraid to fail, afraid to try,
I'm the first to criticize.

If my life were a book I might
rip out every page that hurt me,
kept me scared,
But I'm a poem.

Awake at night, my eyes so tight
I cannot even dream.
I need some pride in what I've done,
but I just make a mess.

If my life were a book I could
burn away the pages that shame me,
keep me alone,
a closed book.

I need to do what makes me free.
I need to open up.
My heart wants me to sing out loud, but
fear has kept me shut.

If my life were a book I would
rewrite all those pages that hurt me,
kept me down.
My life is a song.


(12/8/2009)

Thursday, August 6, 2009

In Defense of Descartes' Malin Genie Hypothesis (1996)

In Defense of Descartes' Malin Genie[1] Hypothesis
by Chris Kaltwasser
(OSU Philosophy Department Matchette Award Winner, 1996)

Suppose one day you walk into a room and see flowers in a pot on the table. Are those flowers real? How can you tell? Suppose you take a closer look. You reach your hand out and pick up the pot. You feel the weight of it press down on your palm. As you bring the flowers closer you can smell their pleasant fragrance. Reaching out your other hand, you touch the petals. They feel soft and delicate. Setting the pot by the open window, you observe as a lazy bee alights on one and then another of the blossoms, busy collecting pollen. Do you know these are real flowers now? Might they not be a clever illusion, designed to fool you into thinking you are seeing, holding, smelling, and touching flowers? René Descartes proposed just such a problem in his Meditations on First Philosophy: We know our senses can be mistaken—perhaps this is always the case. O. K. Bouwsma, many years later, suggested this hypothesis was itself a case of trickery. He argued that flowers you can see, hold, smell, touch, and so forth could not be an illusion, but instead that reality is what we should call them. However, Bouwsma is the one who is playing tricks with the words "illusion" and "reality."

In his Meditations on First Philosophy, Descartes takes as his project to discover and defend a trustworthy basis for knowledge. For him, reality is the substance of existence and not mere perceptions or appearances to the senses. Two contradictory claims about reality cannot both be true. To have true knowledge means to have ideas which correspond accurately to reality. Knowing he has often been mistaken in his former beliefs, Descartes determines that he will systematically demolish his "house of knowledge," to find a solid foundation on which his knowledge can be built reliably. Believing that his mind will habitually fall into its old ways of error, Descartes determines that he will withhold assent from any of his former beliefs, as he employs a number of skeptical hypotheses to strip away all which is not manifestly true. He realizes that nothing which he formerly had believed is beyond reasonable doubt, because he finds that he has valid and well-considered grounds for doubt (Descartes, 4). By employing his method of doubt, he intends to discover some unshakable foundation for knowledge, something which he can know to be true without possibility of doubt.

Each of Descartes' skeptical hypotheses takes the form of a supposition that reality is in some way not as he has formerly believed, but instead some other reality accounts for his beliefs and perceptions. By a wave of three such hypotheses Descartes soon reduces his grasp of truth to mere elementary notions of extension, size, quantity, and number of things. He can doubt his beliefs of the external world, by supposing that all he senses of the world around him is pure fantasy, the product of his own dreaming mind independent of any reality, much as a painting might depict objects and creatures which never existed nor could exist in reality (Cottingham, 40-41). Then, as his ultimate hypothesis, by which he calls into doubt even these last elements of belief, Descartes supposes that his mind is deceived every time he contemplates even the simplest of ideas. When he adds two numbers, some mischievous agent insures that he produces the wrong sum without realizing his error. Not merely may he err, as he knows he sometimes does, but he is consistently deceived by the design of a malicious power:

I will suppose, then, not that there is a supremely good God who is the source of all truth, but that there is an evil demon, supremely powerful and cunning, who works as hard as he can to deceive me. I will say that sky, air, earth, color, shape, sound, and other external things are just dreamed illusions which the demon uses to ensnare my judgment. I will regard myself as not having hands, eyes, flesh, blood and senses—but as having the false belief that I have all these things (Descartes, 4-5).

Then, with a note of final triumph, Descartes handily smites his malin genie and establishes one truth which he asserts even this strongest of hypotheses cannot call into doubt: Descartes himself must exist, if he is deceived. As much deceptive power as he grants to this demon, Descartes cannot think himself to be nothing while he thinks that he is something (Descartes, 7). Armed with the unshakable knowledge that he exists as a thinking thing, Descartes proceeds with the rest of his Meditations to construct what he believes to be a framework for reliable knowledge.

We shall now briefly consider Descartes' theory of perception, of which the two central components are his concepts of causality and of ideas. Of the former, he holds that there must be as much reality in a cause as in an effect, and that the causal relation between things is a transfer of some formal or eminent reality from the cause to its effect. Hence, "it follows both that something cannot come from nothing and that what is more perfect—that is, has more reality in it—cannot come from what is less perfect or has less reality" (Descartes, 18). Of ideas, Descartes holds that ideas are modifications of thinking, which is the essential quality of his existence from which he cannot conceive himself to be separated. The view of perception that Descartes takes, then, is that there must be some archetypal reality which is the cause of all ideas. All ideas are like images of that formal reality from which they derive, and perceptions are representations of real things either from the mind itself or from things outside of the mind (Descartes, 19).

The validity of Descartes' arguments for a foundation of knowledge depends very significantly on the coherency of his skeptical hypotheses. By them he has toppled both his senses and his imagination as reliable means for attaining knowledge of reality, and builds instead on nothing but reasoning from his own existence and thought. If the illusions of the evil demon do not call all but his existence as a thinking thing into doubt, as Descartes claims, then his arguments are effectively crippled. If his supposition about the evil demon does violence to reason in some way, the consequence is that he has doubted what cannot reasonably be doubted and laid the foundations for knowledge far "below" where they ought to lie.

In his essay, "Descartes' Evil Genius," O. K. Bouwsma argues that Descartes' last hypothesis has in fact done violence to the concepts of illusion and reality. He submits the hypothesis to a trial by proposing two adventures for Descartes' evil demon. By the first of these exercises, Bouwsma proposes to show an ordinary illusion. It is one which can even be detected by the careful attention of one of the demon's victims. In his second exercise, Bouwsma proposes to reproduce exactly the scenario Descartes describes at the end of his first Meditation, and this, Bouwsma argues, is no illusion at all.

For the first adventure, Bouwsma supposes the evil demon is in the mood to exercise only some of his unlimited powers to deceive. He will construct a malicious deception, changing everything in the world to paper. Flowers, trees, sky, sun, and even human beings will be nothing but paper, carefully crafted to fool the unwary eye. This is the illusion Bouwsma proposes: that everything will appear very like normal, but in fact everything (except paper itself) will be changed. Bouwsma then supposes there is a young man named Tom who sees through the illusion. The flowers on the table are really paper. The young woman, Milly, is paper. The window, trees, houses, sky, sun, clouds, rain, and Tom himself are all paper. Tom experiences the illusion, but is not deceived because he knows the difference between paper and these other things, despite the fact that the paper illusions are carefully designed to fool him. An illusion, according to Bouwsma, is something that seems like something it is not. The given illusion is that the world is as we take it to be: flowers, trees, people, and paper, all distinct and real. The reality is that there is nothing but paper (Bouwsma, 30).

Ever cunning and malicious, the evil demon is not satisfied with his first attempt at deception. In what will be his second adventure, Bouwsma supposes that the evil demon now undertakes the project of constructing a world of illusions by which poor Tom will be thoroughly deceived. When Tom thinks he senses a thing, he will in fact be deceived, because there will be no such thing. To this end, first the demon must do away with all that is real in the world except for Tom himself, to which he restores his former life. Now the demon arranges things so that Tom believes everything is as it was before, that what seems to him solid and real is as it was before, just as solid and real. All this Tom believes, but all in fact are the products of the demon's deception.

Bouwsma now examines the illusion world created by the demon, and concludes that it is in fact reality, not illusion, which the demon has reproduced. The demon desires recognition for his cunning deception, and so decides to enter into Tom's perceptions and plant the seeds of doubt. Instead, Tom shows the demon that he has failed to deceive. The demon enters into Tom's experience, sharing with him the senses of seeing, hearing, tasting, smelling, and feeling. Nothing is missing. The flowers are still as pretty to see, as delicate to touch, as sweet to smell. Tom can gather their pollen, send them to Milly, or do anything else one could normally do with flowers. It seems that the demon has not done away with flowers or Milly or Tom's body, but only with what it was the demon could sense of these things beyond human sight, hearing, touch, smell, or taste. Tom is not taken in by the demon's deceptions. To Tom, everything is as it was before. The flowers are still flowers, the sky is still sky, and Milly is still Milly.

How is this so? According to Bouwsma, Tom is a clever lad. The demon may say that the flowers are not real, that he has in fact destroyed all flowers, but there they are in front of Tom, as real as they ever were. They are real and not illusions, Bouwsma claims, because they do not differ from real flowers as far as Tom is concerned. Sight, smell, and touch all verify the existence of these flowers, so for Tom, what the demon is insisting are mere illusion are in fact what a human being would call reality without a second thought. The demon may be able to reach out with some extra sense and miss the presence of the flowers, but no human being could do this. So, the demon has in effect constructed his own illusion. The flowers and Milly and everything else are still present and real to Tom. It is only the demon who has removed what it was he sensed of the flowers and Milly and the rest beyond the senses available to a human being, and is left with a world of illusions.

But there seems to be a trap in Bouwsma's argument. What about Milly? Poor Milly has no life. She has no awareness and no senses. She has no existence. We have granted this demon unlimited power to do and to deceive, and he has done this terrible deed: he has killed Milly and replaced her with an illusion. The demon, even in his perverse desire for recognition, never thinks to tell Tom this fact, but only uses the flowers as an illustration of the deception. There is no Milly, just as there are no flowers. If Tom speaks to Milly, or touches her hair, or kisses her, she will not subjectively hear or feel or give that kiss in return. Tom is alive, but Milly is dead. Tom can sense everything he could before, including the flowers and Milly, but he is deceived if he thinks they exist in reality. All that exists in the world is Tom, Tom's perceptions, and the evil demon, and though the demon has insured that Tom's perceptions lack nothing they formerly contained, they clearly are illusions.

An illusion is something falsely believed to exist, or, it is a false belief about reality. Reality is what exists in the world. When Bouwsma argues that the paper world of the evil demon's first adventure is an illusion, he is correct. The paper flowers and people and sky are imitations designed to fool. Those who mistake the paper imitations for the things themselves are taken in by the illusion. When Tom discovers the truth, that there is nothing but paper in place of these things, there is no more illusion for him. When Bouwsma argues that the dream world of the second adventure is reality, he is mistaken. What Tom perceives may seem real to him, but they lack real existence. How, then, does this concept of reality differ from Bouwsma's?

When I see flowers in a pot, I suppose that there is something in those flowers which I call life. This life is what makes the flowers grow, and when that life is disrupted, the flowers wither and die. I can see the flowers, smell them, collect the pollen or send them to a friend, but if I suppose sight and odor and arrangement is all flowers are, I am thinking about something less than the flowers themselves. Flowers are more than just my collected perceptions of them.

Similarly, when I see my friend sitting across the room, I suppose that he is a real person who has life and senses and awareness. I believe that his life and senses and awareness are similar to mine. If I speak his name, he hears me and knows I have addressed him. If I give him the flowers, he subjectively sees, feels, smells, and enjoys them just as I do. If I recite a line of verse, he hears the words and remembers that what I am quoting is The Tempest. My friend, like the flowers, is more than just my collected perceptions of him.

In the case of both the flowers and my friend, I am supposing there exists something of which I have no immediate experience. In fact, I seem to be basing my knowledge of both the flowers and my friend not on some sensory impression immediately present to my mind for experience and reflection, but on the combination of all of my sensory perceptions, as well as my reasoning and my expectation that my perceptions are consistent with reality. That is, I trust that what I perceive through the combination of sight and hearing and the other senses is a true impression on my mind of some real thing outside of my mind. I seem to assume the representational theory of perception as Descartes does, supposing that my ideas are of something outside of my mind, and that unless my senses and reasoning are deceived, my perceptions are reflections of some objective reality beyond them. There are physical flowers in the pot, and there is another thinking, feeling person sitting in that chair.

What I mean by the words "flowers" or "person" or "sky" is not just my perceptions of these things, whether colorful or firm or bright, and I would argue this meaning is the common one. What is meant is the thing itself, which, if it possesses senses and awareness can likewise perceive the things around it. The distinction becomes transparent when the object of our speaking is another person. Perhaps the flowers can be said to have no objective reality, and their existence independent of my perceptions is something essentially unreal to me. Presumably they do not have feeling or experience. But, to say that my friend would have no objective reality is to likewise eliminate his own subjective reality. So, when Bouwsma argues that the word "flowers" applies to the perceptions of flowers, he is perhaps not taking any great liberty. When he argues that the name "Milly" applies only to Tom's perceptions of that person, he is surely mistaken. When I say "flowers" I may not draw a sharp distinction between my perceptions of flowers and objects outside of my mind, but if I say "friend" I most definitely mean a person who has ideas, subjective experiences, and perceptions just as I do.

In contrast to my view, which I take to be very like Descartes', Bouwsma's theory of perception might be characterized in terms of positivism[2]. That is, he considers only what can be conceived to be contingent on some set of criteria, and shown to be true by those criteria. In this view, what is true is what can be demonstrated to be so, and whatever cannot possibly be demonstrated is meaningless. So, to speak of objective existences which I cannot possibly know of by direct experience or by some other means is futile in such a view. I do not have experience of what I call "real flowers," and therefore I am speaking of what I know nothing about and can know nothing about, because I cannot directly demonstrate the existence I describe.

What then might Bouwsma say about poor Milly, who I have claimed he has abandoned to nonexistence? In his second illustration, he argues that Milly is present and has been reproduced in the "illusion" in her full reality. At least, so far as Tom seems to care, she is fully as real as ever. Briefly, the theory of behaviorism considers mind in terms of behavior, identifying mental phenomena with the activity of some material. Such a view seems to fit Bouwsma's argument well, for if we suppose that we know Milly only in terms of how she acts, the things she says, and so forth, then she is fully present and real for us if we have the full sensory appearances of her outward behavior. After all, we would hardly concern ourselves with the inner working of a person's nervous system when we say that person is happy or is feeling pain, just as we would never conjure images of chemical structures when we say a flower has a pleasant odor. Yet I do not think that when Tom sees Milly, talks to her, or gives her flowers, that this subjective reality of Milly in his mind thereby reproduces the subjective experiences of Milly herself. The notion is in fact totally inconsistent withwhat is meant by "subjective experience."

So, one might argue that all we can possibly have knowledge of is our perceptions of things, and this is a difficulty which Descartes faces in relation to his representational theory of perception. However, it is what I or any other speaker of the word "flowers" believes which is very much at issue in this matter. When I say "flowers" I probably mean what I judge to be the reality causing my sensations. When I say "friend" I definitely mean what I judge to be another person with whom I have an amicable relationship. If there is no such reality or no such person, I am quite fooled by an illusion, for this is what is meant by the word "illusion": a mistaken belief about reality.

Hence, I have shown that it is Bouwsma who has in fact done violence to the common concepts of "illusion" and "reality" in his critique of Descartes' evil demon hypothesis. When we speak of reality, we speak of more than mere appearances. Consequently, when Descartes supposes an evil demon has the power to cause him to see, hear, smell, taste, and feel all the things he presently does, and that in fact the demon is deceiving him by this means, this is a coherent hypothesis. If such a demon had such power and were using it in this way, the illusions he employed would truly be illusions, and Descartes truly would be quite deceived. So, apparently, is the philosopher who thinks that when we speak of "reality" all we mean is our perceptions.

Works Cited

Bouwsma, O. K. "Descartes' Evil Genius." Ed. Alexander Sesonske and Noel Fleming, Meta-Meditations: Studies in Descartes. Belmont, California: Wadsworth Publishing Company, Inc., 1965.

Cottingham, John. The Rationalists. New York: Oxford University Press, 1988.

Descartes, René. Meditations on First Philosophy. Trans. Ronald Rubin. 2nd ed. Claremont, California: Areté Press, 1986.

Malcolm, Norman. Problems of Mind: Descartes to Wittgenstein. New York: Harper & Row, 1971.

Notes

[1] malin genie
French, "evil genius." Descartes supposes that he is under the influence of a powerful and intelligent being that is capable of deceiving him at every instant." I will suppose, then, not that there is a supremely good God who is the source of all truth, but that there is an evil demon, supremely powerful and cunning, who works as hard as he can to deceive me."(Descartes, 4)

[2] positivism (logical)
Logical positivism, also known as logical empiricism, is a philosophical position which holds that there are only two sources of knowledge, logical reasoning and empirical experience, and that any statement of fact (e.g., "the grass is green") is only valid if it can be tested against empirical observation. Hence, logical positivism rules out any metaphysical hypotheses (synthetic a priori knowledge) or any inductive reasoning (analytic a posteriori knowledge). For a fuller discussion of this topic, see the Wikipedia article on logical positivism and the Internet Encyclopedia of Philosophy article on behaviorism.

Thursday, June 4, 2009

Two Minus One


Two Minus One

I lived by myself in a big house with
many rooms. I'd choose each night which
big bed to sleep in, and I spent
much time in my kitchen.

Friends and neighbors came to visit, and
we had Christmas in my front room with
a big green tree, all the gifts, and
stockings by the fire.

I stirred in my slumbers, then,
and as I woke the dream veil parted:
I saw how this could soon be my life,
is my life now, and felt a comfort.

In my house I have many rooms. Some
I choose to spend my time in, while
others I leave aside with the door open,
as I may need them later.

In my dream it was only me in this
big house. In my dream I could wander
as I may, exploring, finding the space
I needed in order to be myself.

And as each night I found a new bed,
pulled up fresh covers and opened up
the window to the night air,
I was not lonely in my house.


(6/4/2009)

Monday, April 20, 2009

Would I Know (song)

I wrote this as a poem a few years ago, and more recently adapted it into a song. Sorry I don't have a good demo to share... yet? ;-) Still maybe a work in progress, but here it is:

Would I Know?

I walk down roads as the sun is setting.
They seem familiar - can I find my way home?
I am dreaming as I am waking.
Am I lost? How would I know?

I both believe and don't believe;
I place my faith in the path ahead.
The truth is I feel so naïve.
Am I lost, or am I still in bed?

My life is like a journey, and I left my bags at home.
Now I've started, there's no turning back.

The truth I hold is merely rightness.
I do my best from day to day:
I live my life in dark and brightness.
Am I lost? How could I say?

My life is like a journey, and I left my bags at home.
Now I've started, there's no turning back.

I walk down roads as the sun is setting.
They seem familiar - can I find my way home?
I am dreaming as I am waking.
Am I lost? How would I know?


--
I actually often used to have dreams where I found myself wandering around the streets as the sun was starting to set, and I tried to find my way home but I kept getting lost or feeling like I couldn't get there. I decided to write about the dream and came up with this. The image of feeling lost in my life and needing to have faith in the process makes a lot of sense to me. Am I lost? I choose to say that I'm on the right track. It just may not look that way sometimes.

Friday, April 17, 2009

Divertimento

Divertimento 



In a night full of stars, 

Feel the cooling breeze of spring 

On a street with no cars, 

Somewhere with you. 


Setting sun on an island 

Of solitary ocean's calm, 

Lie naked on a bed 

Somewhere with you. 


You feel so familiar, 

I've known you all my life. 

Restless dreaming music wakes me. 


Like an Italian monk's pen, 

With letters expressing: 

Life's flowing and art again 

Somewhere with you. 



(4/17/2009)

Saturday, April 4, 2009

Stopping

I still live in 
 used-to-bes 
and forevers that didn't end yet.
It's a place for don't-have 
 and stirrings uncalled.

Stopping myself from calling you, 
I stop myself talking silently.
There is no more there for me, 
 only my wanting.

I asked what would I miss, 
 if I could, 
after I'm gone and didn't dare expect 
to grieve the loss like woken death.

You've stopped visiting me in my
 dreams:
Strangers doing crazy things on
 stages take your place.

Memories sting my eyes and face.
I still sit here 
 holding onto the beats 
and write poems to myself.

Saturday, February 7, 2009

A dream

A dream on Saturday, February 7, 2009


I wondered "Is this real?" as I was waking up:
I'm looking in the mirror at my face, and
as I tilt my head slightly, looking up
toward the light, I look at my hair and
it is thinning, graying.
I look at my skin and it is aging.
I look at my face and it looks much much older—

This is not me, or is it?
I am changing so quickly, becoming older.
I am an older man.
I am still only 35, but
it is an older 35.
I look more like I could be 55 or 60.
At 35 going on 60, I feel the years.
I feel sadness: this is not in my control.
Can I accept it?

I look again and my face is suddenly normal.
I am surprised to realize that
how I look depends on how I look at myself.
How old am I?
Is this just a look into the future a little ways?
Is this the older man inside of me
(wanting to get out)?

Yesterday a new friend asked me how old I am, and
I balked a little bit.
I am afraid of what he would think.
I guessed he was a few years younger than I.
"How old do you think I am?" playing games with the question.
I told him,
he seemed a little surprised, but didn't say so.
I asked him how old he is. 28.
That seems about like what I'd guessed.

So I look at my own face in the mirror. How old am I?
How will I be in a few years? When
I'm 40? 45?
50?

One thing I can say, the face I see in the mirror
is me, and it is a kind face.
I thought about my grandfathers when I looked
at my vision of my older face.
I loved them both so much.
As long as I have love
when I am that age, I think I will be a happy man.

Can I accept myself and love myself
just as I am,
and can I share myself honestly with others?
Or will I be
too afraid that I'm not acceptable in some way?
Not acceptable to myself?

Sunday, August 24, 2008

Wild Geese

I read this poem on a door the other day. The first line got me to stop and pay attention. Mary Oliver wrote:

"You do not have to be good."

I read that again a few times again before I could get past it. That's what it says. OK. She continues:

"You do not have to walk on your knees
for a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves. ...
Meanwhile the world goes on."

Yes. It does, doesn't it? Here is the world, going on. Nature. Landscapes. Human and non-human. Some wild geese fly overhead. In all the open expanse of prairies and mountains and rivers and lakes, they know exactly how to get to their place, their home. So easy to get lost? Maybe. Or:

"Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting--
over and over announcing your place
in the family of things."

We all need to love what (and who) we love. We all need to listen to the wisdom that we all hear but often choose to ignore, that we already know what we need. We already know where we belong. We just need to accept and appreciate and enjoy what we have: ourselves. We know where home is, and we know what makes us happy.

Our home is not our ideas we have about what we should need or have to have. It is the wisdom of the voice inside that tells us what we love. It may take time to learn to listen and understand this voice, our own truest self. If we stop to listen, we find what we already always knew.

You might find the complete poem here. Or Google it.

Sunday, June 1, 2008

Imagine

Last night as I was sleeping
I dreamt – marvelous error! –
that I had a beehive
here inside my heart.
And the golden bees
were making white combs
and sweet honey
from my old failures.
– Antonio Machado

A dream is a goal that you both believe you can accomplish if you work hard enough, and feel in your deepest self that you truly need and must have.