time of daffodils

E. E. Cummings wrote a poem I like in which he uses flowers to illustrate the dimensions of experience relating to time: time as change, remembrance, decision points, purpose in life, a sense of identity.

Right now I have patches of beautiful daffodils in front of my house. I planted their bulbs there several years ago, and today I get to enjoy them and share them with whoever may walk by.

"The goal of living is to grow." I reflect a lot on what I will do next. Where will I live after I leave this house behind? Do I want to take some of the flowers with me, or leave them? If I came back years later would I be sad to see them all pulled up and replaced with something else? Change can be really jarring, especially when it is something not in my control, not of my choosing. Do I really have control of anything, or is this notion just an illusion? People and relationships change. I change.

"The goal of living is to grow." And forgetting is as much a part of life as remembering. What will I forget about this place after I leave? Will I be able to forget some of the hurts that make me so timid to risk judgment and rejection?

When I leave here I probably would not have much reason to come back. But I would always be curious about what then happened to the things and people I leave behind.

Still Here

Still Here

I didn't know what I needed

from you until you weren't here.

You'd welcomed me, helped me out,

to feel a part of this place.

I would see you here, greet, smile,

again many times.

Sometimes you were away but

I still felt you.

I asked today where you are –

– and, oh.

I find myself still here

but changed for a lack:

(I am one left behind.)

(3/18/2009)

I love the daffodils...

I like that corny little camp song. And I like the springtime... I've started my allergy medication as of a couple of weeks ago. No major problems yet. The jasmine in our neighbors' yards smells really amazing, again. It's like an old woman's perfume, strong and sweet.

The crocuses in the front yard emerged a couple of weeks ago and are still doing well. I am a tad disappointed to see gaps, though – many bulbs did not come back this year, perhaps because of spraying or too wet of soil in those spots. It's nice to have flowers come back every year. These little guys have been pretty low maintenance since we got them a few years ago.

Just this past week or so the daffodils have started to open. So bright and cheery! :)

As usual for March the weather has been unstable, changeable, and generally moist. We had a bit of a storm here the other morning. It brought in some rain water through a leak in one of the downstairs windows. We'll have to get that re-caulked when it dries out a bit more.

Days like today when it is chilly but the sun is just peaking out, I feel like summer is almost here. But it is nice for it to be mild and a bit wet for a while: the flowers appreciate the rain. :)